Hi, I am so embarassed of my situation that I can’t face someone to talk about it, so I have to do it behind a TV screen.
I literally have nowhere else to go because I have lost all confidence in myself.
So this is my story, please advise me on what to do:
My parents have always been strict muslims, I have never felt a connection with the religion, and they always forced it into my life in everything I do.
When I was 16, (I was going to a high status grammar school), I did poorly in my GCSE’s. My results were a lot higher than average, but below average for the school I was going to. I hid the results from my parents, and I lied to them, and told them I’d received higher grades than I actually did.
So they thought I’d be going to the same school for sixth form for another 2 years, but I signed up with a college not far from my house.
I went to the college for a month or so but the sudden changes in my life made it too hard for me, so I quit.
So for 2 years, I lied to my parents about the school I was going to and I’d just go to the library for 3/4 hours every weekday and work on my website, (I owned a website at the time).
When I reached the age of 18, (march 2010), I lied to my parents AGAIN because they thought my 2 years in sixth form were finished, so I told them I got into a course at university.
So a few months passed, and in june/july time I started having weird visions about Christianity, and one of my mates who I know through my website is Catholic, and every time I spoke to him I’d feel at peace even though I’ve only ever spoken to him over the phone/pc. And I started having daydreams/visions about all kinds of different things.
I started researching, and I discovered that a person who belonged to the same muslim group as the ones my parents associate themselves with converted to christianity.
I started seeing things daily and for about 2weeks I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I internally accepted christianity and I started believing in it. Since then, my feelings of it have started declining, and I no longer have those kind of strong emotional and physical feelings anymore, (which is one of the reasons why I’m posting here).
So back in June/July time, my parents thought I’d be starting a course in university, and then came the month of ramadhan and I hid food in my room, and would have a quick snack every day.
Then came August, and I anticipated my parents realising about the university placement and that it was all a lie, and I was so ashamed of when I’d get caught, that I left the house and left them a note and told them the university thing was a lie, they rang me on my phone and asked me to come back, so I did.
Then my parents asked me what happened with the university and why I didn’t receive a placement, and I lied to them again, telling them that I didn’t do well in one of the exams in my A-Levels (sixth form), but obviously I didn’t even go to a sixth form/college.
Then my parents told me to enrol at a college and retake my exams, so I faked that again and now they are expecting me to revise every day and they think I have an exam in January, but obviously it’s all a lie.
I need advice on what to do, before I would ask something from God and he would give it to me, and I felt so strong spiritually, and when my father forced me to go to the mosque, I’d still feel strong. Now I have lost that feeling. And I have no-one to talk to about this because all my friends and family are muslims, and I would dare not speak to my Catholic friend (who I met through my website) about it, because I only know him through a website.
I have contemplated just leaving the house, getting an apartment, and starting a fresh life. New friends and get with someone.
Please tell me what I should do.
btw, when my parents thought I would be going to university, they told all their friends and family, and currently they are hiding the fact that I lied from them, they all think I’m going to university. My parents are extremely strict, and my father has never treated me fairly through my entire life, he suffers with hypertension and high blood pressure so that is mainly why he’s like that.
I really need your help, because I have nowhere else to go.















